Kabanata 13
Ang Pag-alalay
I pulled my comforter up and snuggled closer to it. I could not get up from the pain. My whole body feels heavy. Sweat disgustingly clung to my skin making me feel worse.
Maya whimpered repeatedly. Every now and then I can hear her nails scratching the door. I tried to get back to sleep but I remembered that staying awake and conscious would be better.
My alarm went off, but I did not move an inch. The sound hurt my head more. I shut my eyes tightly.
Someone shook me. Voices murmured around. Halo-halong boses ang naririnig ko sa paligid. One seems to be Aiden, at si Dad ang isa. I could barely make out what they were saying.
I flinched when something cold was dabbed on my face. I tried opening my eyes, but I only managed to pry it wide enough to see a blur in front of me. I shut my eyelids again.
"'My," malumanay kong tawag kung si Mommy nga ang nasa paligid. I lifted my hand only to feel the rough palm of the person beside me. Dahan-dahan kong minulat ang mga mata ko.
"F-Forest," bulong ko. Nananaginip pa rin ba ako? Tinangka kong bawiin ang kamay ko. Humigpit lang ang hawak niya lalo. May binulong siya na hindi ko maintindihan. Napapikit ulit ako.
Why is he here?
I loosely shook my head, hoping he would understand that I do not get anything that he was saying. I do not get why he is here.
I tried opening my eyes again. I was only able to sneak another blurred version of him in my view.
Why was he here?
"W-Water," I croaked. He squeezed my left hand then something soft touched my forehead. May sinabi ulit siya bago niya binitiwan ang kamay ko. I drifted off to sleep again when the sound of a door closing echoed in my room.
Paulit-ulit ang panaginip na iyon. I felt cold all over when I woke up again. I hugged myself tightly. I did the fetus position, trying to stop from shivering but it would not work.
I twisted my body to the other side, but I cannot seem to find a comfortable position. Ginaw na ginaw na ako. Panay ang galaw ko pero hindi naiibsan ang nararamdaman ko.
"Sinclair."
I squeezed my eyes more when I heard someone call me. I tucked my shaking hands under my chin, hoping to stop it from doing so.
Something was put over me, but I was still too cold. Narinig ko ang pagpatay ng aircon pero wala pa ring nagbago sa nararamdaman ko. I heard the soft sound produced by a fan that was turned on.
"Sinclair." Run.
I tried saying something, but I ended up blurting out incomprehensible things. I reached my hand out of the blanket, looking for something that can warm me up.
Nang makahawak ako ng sa tingin ko ay unan ay hinablot ko ito.
"Crap."
Iyon ang huli kong narinig bago ako nabagsakan ng isang matigas ngunit komportableng bagay. Ilang sandali pa ay gumalaw iyon and I felt its weight on my whole body. Sinisiksik ko ang sarili ko sa kung ano man ito. Natigil ako sa panginginig at nakatulog ulit
When I opened my eyes, I was greeted by white. I blinked a few times to adjust to the light. I am sweating a bit but the fan in the corner of the room made me feel fresher. May mabigat na nakadagan sa akin nang mahigpit. Ibinaba ko ng tingin ko at natigilan sa nakita.
Lying on top of half of me, is Kyle Forest Romero. His head was tucked in between my shoulder and neck. I can feel his breath on my skin. Goosebumps crawled to the surface of my body.
His left arm was wrapped around my waist while his right hand was tangled in my hair. I tried moving my legs but even those were pinned down by his own.
Tumingin ako sa paligid, sa nakakabit sa akin na I.V., at sa buong kwarto.
I am... in the hospital.
My eyes widened when Forest stirred, "Hmm."
He squeezed me tighter, but it did not make the position we were in less comfortable.
I hissed in some air. Nakadikit na ang mga labi niya sa leeg ko dahil sa kanyang paggalaw. Mas lalo akong hindi gumalaw. I controlled my breathing before I start panicking.
I will have answers to my questions. I will understand why I was brought here.
Hindi ko ginising si Forest. My head still hurt, and I was still a bit drowsy. My hands and feet were cold, so I guess what he is doing is helping me... remain warm.
Heat rushed to my cheeks. That is all there is to this. Baka siya iyong nahawakan ko kanina at nakatulog lang siya dahil sa hindi ko pagpayag na mabitiwan ang hawak ko.
Nang muli kong minulat ang mga mata ko, wala na si Forest at tanging kumot na lamang ang nakatabon sa katawan ko. Binalot ako ng hiya.
Was he even here?
He was on top of me at some point, right?
Nasagot ang tanong ko nang dumapo ang tingin ko sa glass window ng pinto. Aiden, Forest, and Ethan were standing outside having what looks like a serious discussion.
This is the first time I have seen them together. They looked like they are arguing.
Magkakakilala ba sila?
Dahan-dahan akong umupo. There is a vase full of flowers and a glass of water on the side table. Kinuha ko ang baso gamit ang nanginginig na mga kamay at uminom.
Pagsilip ko sa labas, wala na sila roon.
I wonder what happened?
Pinindot ko ang button para sa pagtawag ng hospital staff dahil walang nagbabantay sa akin para tumawag sa kanila. Most likely, may pinuntahan sila Mommy kaya wala sila dito ngayon.
Does that mean... binantayan rin ako ni Ethan kaya magkasama sila ni Forest kanina?
Maya-maya pa ay pumasok si Forest na natataranta. A nurse trailed behind him. Siguro nakita siya sa labas at sinabing may tumawag galing sa kwarto ko.
He rubbed his hand all over his face before brushing it through his hair. Mas lalo iyong nagulo and his eyes were etched with worry.
"Y-You are awake," he flabbergastingly exclaimed. I gave him a small smile while I was still holding the glass of water with both of my hands.
Tinignan ng nurse ang vitals ko at ipinaliwanag ang nangyari. Natawagan na rin daw si Dr. Gizon para kausapin ako. He advised Forest to contact my parents to inform them of my condition. Tinanguan niya lamang ang nurse bago ito lumabas.
Naiwan kaming dalawa pagkatapos. Si Aiden daw talaga ang nakabantay dapat sa akin. Ang kaso ay may kinailangan daw itong puntahan. Gusto ko sanang tanungin kung nasaan si Ethan, but something tells me I should not ask Forest about him.
Mabilis niyang nakuha ang baso mula sa aking mga kamay nang wala na itong laman. Nilapag niya iyon sa la mesa, "I will get you food. What do you want?"
"Kahit ano lang," mahina kong sagot. Tumango siya at kinuha agad ang cellphone mula sa bulsa. I watched him dial and put the phone to his ear.
"Yeah, she is awake. Buy her food," pagalit na utos ni Forest sa kung sino man ang kausap niya sa telepono.
"Do you have allergies?" sandaling lumingon siya sa akin at umiling ako. I held my hands on my lap as I waited for Forest to finish his call.
The last thing I heard is for whoever was on the other line to just give it to my parents.
He nonchalantly refilled my glass as he fondled with his phone. Tinigil niya na ang tawag. Tinignan niya rin ako kalaunan.
"I am going to call your Mom," ninenerbyos niyang sabi pagkalipas ng ilang segundo. Tumango ako at siya nama'y tumalikod. He lowered his voice for the new call, and I started playing with my fingers.
I tried to distract myself from remembering the dream I had. I tried blocking the words I heard. It worked but the feeling of being called those names remained bothering me. I bit my lower lip and pinched my thumb.
What happened to me? Why am I being like this? What happened eight years ago? I do not think I can handle not knowing anymore.
A chair got dragged towards the bed. My gaze locked on Forest as he sat down facing me.
I still do not get why he is here.
Bumuntonghininga siya at taimtim akong tinitigan. "Your parents will be here in a few minutes. They just had to finish up some things in their office," pagpapaliwanag niya sa mababa niyang boses.
My eyes drifted to his lips as he spoke. Those... were on my neck a few hours ago, right? It was not a dream. I only dream of one nightmare over and again.
"Sinclair?"
Binalik ko ang tingin sa buong mukha niya and his features flashed with worry now. Hindi ko inasahan na ang karaniwang seryoso niyang mukha ay magpapakita ng ganitong emosyon sa akin.
"H-Ha?" nauutal kong tanong. I do not even know if what happened was real but something is telling me that it was.
Napatiim-bagang siya at bahagyang umangat ang gilid ng kanyang bibig. Tinaasan niya ako ng kilay, "Do you need anything else?"
"I-I am fine. Thank you," tanging sagot ko.
Ilang segundong katahimikan ang lumipas. I realized I cannot handle silence right now. I want an escape from my thoughts.
For the past few nights, whenever I am in my room, I would always wait to hear him sing and play his guitar. I would paint alongside listening to him. It distracted me and freed me from the monsters inside my head. I need that distraction now.
"Can I ask something?" nag-angat siya ng tingin at hindi ko talaga mapigilan ang mamangha kapag tinitignan ko ang mga mata niya.
I sighed slowly to calm myself. Ilang beses akong kumurap samantalang siya ay nanatiling nakatitig sa akin. He waited for me to speak.
"D-Do you sing?" nahihiya kong tanong. His brow shot up with my question. A smirk formed on his lips and he chuckled.
He leaned on my bed, letting his forearm rest on the space left on it. "How'd you figure that out?"
"I-I hear you sometimes," I said in a small voice. Iniwas ko ang tingin sa kanya. Nilagay ko ang naliligaw na buhok ko sa likod ng aking tainga.
"Really now?" he asked languidly. He looks amused with my confession.
"S-Sorry. I thought it was you and most of the time you are all alone in your house. It came from the room facing mine. T-That is why I thought-"
"Hey," he cut me off before I said more. He placed a hand above mine and his thumb grazed its back for a little bit. Inangat ko ang tingin ko sa kanya. Seeing his smile, made my heart jump.
Compared to the coldness he ensues and the playful smirks he shows me, this smile was genuine. It was full of warmth and care. Very different from the usual smirk he gives other people.
"It is alright," he reassuringly said. I nodded in response at dahan-dahang inalis ang kamay ko mula sa pagkakadagan ng kanya. He did not seem to mind that I did.
Without any hesitation, he leaned back and rested his hands behind his head. Doon ko lang napansin na naka-uniform pa siya ng school namin. Napatingin ako sa wall clock sa tapat ng higaan at nakitang malapit na pa lang mag-alas otso ng gabi.
A second later, he started humming to a familiar song. Being present as he sings, made my stomach flutter. I looked his way and saw that his eyes were closed as if he was too focused on what he will do. His lashes seemed too soft for his strong features.
"I want to write you a song... One as beautiful as you are sweet."
I stared at him in silence and listened. Every fiber of my being felt swept away by his voice. I could not help but close my eyes as well. I slowly leaned back on the bed and let my head rest. Pakiramdam ko hinaharanahan ako. Kahit na walang gitara, ang galing niya kumanta.
"Where did you learn how to sing?" tanong ko sa kanya pagkatapos ng pangatlong kanta niya. Kumuha siya ng sarili niyang baso at uminom ng tubig. I do not know any of the titles of the songs he sang pero lahat daw iyon, One Direction ang kumanta.
"On my own," he said after drinking. I cannot help but notice how his neck moved as he swallowed.
"W-What else can you do...?" I tried to keep my voice from faltering, "...besides singing and playing guitar?"
Nag-iwas ako ng tingin nang mapansin na natutuwa siya sa usapan namin.
"That is for you to find out Sinclair," sabi niya. Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay nang matantong ginamit niya ang linyang ginamit ko sa kanya nakaraan. Ginantihan niya lang din ako ng pag-angat ng kanya.
Biglang pumasok sila Mommy. Lumapit siya na mangiyak-ngiyak na. Si Daddy naman ay nakasunod na may dala-dalang take out. Umalis si Forest sa tabi ko at pumunta kay Daddy para tumulong sa paghanda ng pagkain naming apat.
Magkatabi si Mommy at Daddy kumakain habang si Forest ay nasa tabi ko. Hiniwa niya muna ang chicken sa plato ko at inihanda ako ng mga kailangan ko para kumain. Hawak-hawak niya sa isang kamay ang plato habang sumusubo gamit ang kabila.
My parents and Forest talked about what Forest was going to take for college. Nalaman ko na Engineering pala ang balak niyang kuhain. I initially planned on being an architect, but I ended up wanting to be a stay-at-home artist. Pero parang ang gandang ideya na architect ako at engineer naman si Forest. We can be partners!
Kalaunan, dumating na rin si Dr. Gizon. When she saw us all in the room, she decided that it would be best for me to rest for the night at sa susunod na araw na lang ang consultation namin kung pwede. May mga ibinilin lang siya at ipinaalala. Free to leave na rin ako after naming kumain. Siya na rin ang nag-asikaso ng discharge slip.
"Iyong pairwork pala natin Forest?" tanong ko sa kanya nang inabutan niya ako ng tubig.
"Paano pala iyon?" Nawala sa isip ko iyon dahil sa mga nangyayari. Dapat hindi ko pinapabayaan ang mga gawain ko lalo na at simula pa lang ng sem. Ka-partner ko pa naman siya.
"Do not fuss yourself with that. I have got it all covered," was all he said, and he did not let me ask more about it. Inalalayan niya ako hanggang sa nagpasya ang parents ko na umuwi na kami. "Let me, tito," said Forest when Dad was helping me get up from the hospital bed. Tango lamang ang naging sagot ni Daddy.
The rest of the night left me with questions about my past and about the things I saw in my dream. I do not remember much of it, but I know it changed.
Forest rode with us. He sat beside me in the car. When we arrived home, I tried to open the door but before I could reach for the handle, it already swung open. I looked up only to see Forest looking at me and his hands gesturing for me to hold on to him. Wala na siya sa tabi ko.
Ang bilis niya naman atang nakalabas ng sasakyan?
Hesitantly, I took it and let myself fall to his chest when I got down the vehicle. His other hand went to the small of my back as he assisted me towards my house. I hate to admit it, but I still feel weak.
We followed my parents and they brought me to my room. The whole time that Forest was holding me, I could not help but feel secure. Nang mawala na ang hawak niya ay nangulila agad ako.
Nginitian siya ni Mommy even in her tired state, "Thank you, hijo. Tell Gwen we are sorry you came home late."
Dad was holding Mommy by her shoulders at the door. He pulled her close to him, but his eyes stayed on me. I smiled at him to assure him that I am fine already.
Forest's eyes drifted to me before replying to them, "It is alright, Tita and Tito. I will go now."
When I thought he was not even going to say goodbye, he went near me and patted my head. Mom and Dad went out of my room and left the door open.
Forest kneeled in front of me making our eyes level. "Go to sleep, Sinclair," sabi niya nang may namumungay na mga mata. I nodded and gave him a tired smile.
I whispered a thank you and then he reached for my face. He poked my cheek then chuckled. I pouted to cover the nervousness I am feeling.
"Y-You can go home now."
He nodded and his hands fell to his sides. Forest stood up then stroked my hair away from my face.
I suddenly remembered what my dream made me feel in the latter parts of it. Warmth flowed through me and without meaning to, I closed my eyes.
"Run," I whispered.
I was too sleepy to notice how he reacted. When I re-opened my eyes, he was already gone. I was already alone in my room.
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