Kabanata 15
Ang Nakaabang
I told my parents about my dreams. I told them about the child that chased me. I do not remember what I saw when I touched him, but I told them about how it made me feel. Ikinwento ko na rin na may isa pang lalaki na dumating sa panaginip ko at sinusundan ko siya gaya ng pagsunod ng bata sa akin.
Ayaw na nila agad akong papasukin. Ako na lang ang nagpumilit na kaya ko pa naman. The migraine I had when I woke up only last an hour. Other than than, I was alright. There was an aching hum in my chest, but it did not scare me.
I texted Aiden na si Daddy ang maghahatid sa akin ngayong araw. I could see the worry lines of his face and I hate that for the past few days that is all I am making them feel.
"Darling..." I slowly turned my head to face him. "Call me agad if you feel like something's wrong, okay?" Eduardo Estrella is a stern man. Sa aming dalawa lang ni Mommy malambot si Daddy at sa mga piling kaibigan.
To see his eyes filled with sorrow breaks me. "You understand why we are not telling you anything, right? They said it is best if your memories will come back to you on their own, imbes na pilitin namin na sabihin sa iyo lahat nang hindi ka pa handa." I nodded and bit my lower lip. Lumunok ako para mapigilan ang sarili na umiyak.
Naiintindihan ko dahil paulit-ulit na itong pinapaalala sa amin mula pa noong nasa Sweden kami. Noon, ay tinanggap ko na lang na may nakalimutan akong bahagi ng buhay ko at hindi na iyon importante.
I said I would live through my nightmares even if I had forgotten and I did, but now that it is changing, flashes of things I do not understand keep coming. I am starting to think that I should not have settled not knowing anything about what happened to me before all this.
Nagkamali ako. Parang hindi ko na pala kaya.
"Kakausapin ko muna ang adviser mo tungkol sa kondisyon mo."
Dumaan muna kaming dalawa sa office ng guidance counselor. Ipinatawag din ang adviser ko. While waiting for Dad to finish, my phone vibrated inside my bag.
Ethan: I saw you. Are you alright now?
Nakaramdam ako ng kagaanan ng loob at mabilisang nagtipa.
To Ethan: Yes, thank you.
A small smile tugged on my lips as I put my phone back. Saktong tapos na rin ang usapan ng mga matatanda.
"Kami na po bahala sa kanya, Mr. Estrella. She is in good hands here," paniniguro ng counsellor. "I trust that she is," and they shook on it as if I was a business deal.
When I opened the door out of the office, medyo napatianod ako nang makita si Forest na nag-aabang sa hallway. He immediately looked up and saw me. His lips were in a grim line and his eyebrows were furrowed.
Lalapitan ko na sana siya kaso nauna si Daddy. May binulong ito sa kanya bago inabot ang bag ko na hawak-hawak niya. "You watch over her, son."
Dad pulled me in for a half hug before placing a kiss on my forehead.
When his back was out of sight, hinarap ko si Kyle. Nakakunot pa rin ang noo niya na parang may iniisip.
"F-For–"
"You did not need to go to school today. I heard from Tita that you were still not feeling well," he hissed through clenched teeth. Pagalit ang kanyang tono na siyang ikinagulat ko.
"I-I am sorry," I managed to say.
"Tsk." He tightly held my wrist and pulled me close to him. "Let's go."
His hold was firm, but I could sense that he was trying to be gentle with it. All I could see was his back as I followed him. The more I stared in between his shoulder blades, the more I thought that I had seen him somewhere else.
I would try to look at people and make them fit into my dream but whenever I do, there would be a haze that blocks out the memory of its specific parts. No matter who or what I stare at, hindi ko masiguro kung tugma ba siya sa panaginip ko.
Ganoon din ngayon kay Kyle Forest.
He did not look at me as we walked together in the hallways, but students watched us with curious eyes. Pinamulahan ako dahil sa kahihiyan. I do not want... people's attention.
Pagtapos ng matagal na paglalakad, nakarating na rin kami sa classroom. Walang umiimik sa aming dalawa noong pumasok kami at nanatili pa rin ang hawak niya ang pulsuhan ko. Agad kong napansin na natigilan ang ibang mga kaklase namin nang makita iyon.
Binitiwan niya lamang ako noong nilapag niya ang bag ko sa upuan ko at iniwan niya na akong maupo sa pwesto ko. I touched the part where he held me–feeling cold when he no longer held it.
"Uy, ano iyon Sophia? Bakit biglang may pagdala-dala ng bag at pagsama sa iyo yang si Kyle ha?" usisa ni Michelle. Kahit kailan talaga, wala siyang hindi nasasagap. Pabulong lang ang pagtanong niya sa harapan ko at inaabangan niya talaga ang magiging sagot ko. Alam kong narinig siya ni Kyle.
"He..." Nilingon ko ang isnaberong nanatiling nakaiwas ng tingin, "was just... helping me. J-Just a kind gesture." I pinched my fingers as I said those words. Yumuko ako dahil nakaramdam ng lungkot.
Am I that pitiable? Why is he even helping me? Bago lang kami nagkakilala. I do not know anything about him, but he seems to know much about me already.
Naaawa ba siya sa akin? Ganoon ba iyon?
Tumango-tango si Michelle pero bakas sa mukha niya na hindi siya naniwala sa sinabi ko.
Dumapo ang tingin ko sa pinto nang biglang sumulpot si Aiden. Nagmamadali siyang pumasok sa classroom namin. Ang panandaliang presensya ni Kuya Aiden sa klase ay nagdulot ng maraming singhapan. May dala-dala siyang lunch bag. Dumiretso siya sa pwesto ko at inilapag iyon.
"Lunch niyo."
He kissed me on my forehead and gave me a warm smile. Bumaling siya kay Forest at linapitan niya ito. Pinanood ko sila at si Forest naman ay tumango lamang sa ibinulong ni Aiden sa kanya.
Itinabi ko na lang ang lunch bag nang makaalis na siya. Forest slumped down on his seat as he read something from his notebook. I decided to busy myself before the teacher arrived.
Just in time after the bell rang for lunch time, I felt my phone vibrate once again. Kinuha ko iyon at nakitang may bagong mensahe galing kay Ethan.
Ethan: Have you eaten? Can I bring you food?
To Ethan: I have food na. Dala ni kuya.
Naramdaman kong may nanonood sa akin dahilan para ibaba ko ang phone ko. Forest was lightly tapping his tabletop while watching me. Agaran kong itinago ang phone ko. Sinundan niya ng tingin iyon hanggang sa naibulsa ko. Ibinalik niya ang tingin sa akin na may simangot sa mukha.
He pulled his chair to my desk at kinuha ang lunch bag ko. "I-I can do it," apila ko pero tinapunan niya lang ako ng masamang tingin.
He is... mad at me.
I swallowed the lump in my throat and bit my lower lip as he prepared the food.
Pandalawang tao iyong nasa lunch bag. Mukhang para sa kanya ang isa pang serving kaya sinabi ni Aiden na lunch 'niyo.'
Dalawang beses ko pa lang silang dalawa nakita na magkasama pero ano ito? Pati siya sinama sa pagbili ng pagkain ko? Saan naman kaya ito nanggaling?
We ate in silence together. Paminsan-minsan ay napapatingin ako sa paligid at nahuhuling may nanonood sa aming dalawa. Natagpuan ng mga mata ko ang kay Johan at mabilis siyang nag-iwas ng tingin. Samantalang itong kasama ko, sa bintana nakaharap at doon lang nakatuon ang atensyon habang kumakain.
There was a little bit of sauce sa tabi ng bibig niya.
"Forest," saktong papasubo siya nang tawagin ko siya. I gestured for him to get it off. With one swipe from his thumb, nawala na iyon at sinubo niya na ang dapat niyang isubo.
Bumuntonghininga ako at yumuko. While scooping my food with my head down, I decided to ask him about our activities. Nakakahiya at baka isipin niya wala akong kwenta sa mga ganitong bagay. Wala pa talaga kaming napagkasunduan.
"H-How are we gonna do the pair work for History? We... We haven't talked about that yet a-and the deadline's approaching..."
"I picked out the places we will go to already," he answered nonchalantly despite having food in his mouth.
"You do not have to worry," seryoso niyang dugtong.
"R-Really? Where are we going?" Na-excite ako bigla. May proyekto kami na kailangang naming pumunta sa tatlong lugar at gagawa kami ng video tungkol sa mga iyon para masagot ang mga guide questions.
Sana may museum! Ang dami kong gustong puntahan at hindi ako nakakapunta sa mga iyon. Siguro dahil siya nga ang kasama ko, papayag sila Mommy at Daddy!
He chuckled softly because of my reaction, "It is a surprise, Sinclair."
"But!" I raised my spoon at the notion. Panandaliang dumako ang tingin niya sa kamay ko, dahilan para maibaba ko iyon. Napalabi ako at ibinalik ang tingin sa baunan.
"You will find out soon," he mysteriously assured me, "I promise it will be fun, but it will remain a surprise."
I pouted more before nodding. I hate surprises but why do I look forward to this one? This is going to be a big leap for me. Saan niya kaya ako dadalhin?
Buti pala may project na ganito at mararanasan ko pumunta sa mga lugar-lugar dito sa Metro Manila o lalabas ba kami ng Metro Manila?
Sana payagan talaga ako! Kahit na nagbabago ang panaginip ko, sana hindi ito gamitin nila Mommy para hindi ako palabasin kasama siya.
His lips tugged upward probably because he sensed my excitement. The spark in his green eyes were evident kaya napangiti na talaga ako. Inilingan niya lang ako bago kami nagpatuloy sa pagkain.
"May nakaabang sa iyo sa labas," bulong ni Heather noong uwian na. Nang makita si Ethan na nasa may plant box sa tapat ng pintuan ay dumiretso ako sa labas para batiin siya.
He was already smiling when he saw me pero parang may ibang emosyon sa mga mata niya.
"Bakit ka nandito?" masaya kong sambit. Was he worried about me?
"Ihahatid kita pauwi. Nagpasabi na ako kay Aiden na sabihin sa Daddy mo."
"Oh! Okay. I will just...get my bag." Pinayagan siya ni Daddy?
Pag-ikot ko para sana bumalik sa loob ay tumama ako sa dibdib ni Forest. He held my elbow to stop me from slipping. Inangat ko ang tingin ko sa kanya. Sa likuran ko nakatuon ang atensyon niya. He swallowed hard and his jaw clenched repeatedly.
"Where is Aiden?" he asked coldly without looking at me. Tinignan ko si Ethan sa likuran ko at nakitang nakatitig lang rin siya kay Forest. I am not sure if he was talking to me or to Ethan.
"Uhh, Ethan said h-he will be the one to bring me home," nag-aalinlangan kong sambit.
Nagpakawala siya ng bayolenteng hininga bago niluwagan ang hawak. Doon niya lamang ako tinignan. Tinanggal niya ang bag ko na nakasabit na pala sa kanyang balikat. The reason I turned around earlier was to go back inside the classroom and get it. Pero nasa kanya na pala.
For a moment akala ko yayakapin niya ako pero pinaikot niya lang ang strap sa katawan ko. Tuluyan niya na akong binitiwan. Magpapaalam pa sana ako sa kanya kaso mabilis siyang tumalikod at naglakad papalayo.
Tahimik akong pinagmasdan ni Ethan nang panoorin kong maglakad papalayo si Forest.
"Thank you, Ethan."
We did not talk on the way home, but the silence was not awkward at all. I even found it comforting. Both of us were just too preoccupied with our own minds. Ethan did not feel like he was in a good mood either kaya nagkanya-kanya na lang kami.
Natigilan nga lang ako nang makita si Daddy na nakaabang sa gate namin. Nakatitig siya sa sasakyan ni Ethan na kakaparada lang. Nang matanto ni Daddy na ako nga ang dumating ay dumiretso siya sa passenger door para pagbuksan ako.
I kissed him on the cheek as soon as I got out, "Hi, Dad."
Narinig ko ang pagbukas-sara ng kabilang pinto. Lumabas rin si Ethan.
"Go inside," utos niya. Madalian ko iyong sinunod. When I looked back before entering the house nakita kong lumapit si Ethan kay Daddy samantalang si Daddy ay nanatiling suplado.
Nagpaalam naman daw si Ethan sa kanya... Ano naman kayang pag-uusapan nilang dalawa?
I waved goodbye to Ethan before going inside the gate. He responded with a nod and turned all his attention to my father.
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